You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
