I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
