Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
