38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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