So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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