If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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