bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
