i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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