i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
