Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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