Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
