New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
