It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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