He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
