dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
