We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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