Only a mothe r could love this liver
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
