Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
