Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
