Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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