I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
