I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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