my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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