I feel great
I just peed on a car
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to sanitize my soul.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
