Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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