pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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