I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
