he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
