i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
