JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
