hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
