Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
