I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
