If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
