Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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