Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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