I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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