My liver just broke up with me...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
