he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
