Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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