i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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