After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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