All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
