and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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