All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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