Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
