Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
