Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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