His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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