I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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