so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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