I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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