i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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