Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
