I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
