tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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