I'm jealous of your bromance
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
