Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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