Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
