so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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