i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
