your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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