Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
