I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize