shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I would fuck him just for his dog
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
