Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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