So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
my liver is dry heaving
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
