you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
two words: eviction party
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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