i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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