It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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