Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
