Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
