My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
