People in love make me want to vomit
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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