marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
